Jake Hepburn



Jake Hepburn is the star of everyone's favourite anime, Jake Hepburn: The Anime. Born and raised in a small country town in Japan, Jake asscends to new heights as he adventures further and conquers more with every passing season. He enjoys eating canned fruit and watching boring animes.

Jake's catchphrase is "You don't mess with the Hepburn!"

Background
Hepburn was a normal boy living a normal life until the day of his 13th birthday when he ate the gay-gay fruit. This gave him the extraordinary powers needed to fight evil! After developing his powers, Hepburn's natural instinct was to use them for the good of others, and he set out to save his friends, eat great food, and fuck shit

Appearance
Jake is renowned for his sheer girth, held back by his 'School Days' underwear. Pre-timeskip Jake was often seen carrying arround his traditional straw dildo, forged in the fiery pits of Mordor. He has mentioned on several occasions that the dildo was a present from someone very dear to him but it is yet to be revealed who. Due to being one of the earliest mysteries being introduced on the anime, there are many rumours as to exactly who gave it to him, one of the most popular being that he simply bought it himself from eBay.

However, post-timeskip relies on his sheer girth and Norton activation code, given to him by the spirit of his grandfather, during combat. During his battle with 'The Bitches,' Jake reveals that he gave his dildo to his Pet Rock.

Drug Abuse
Jake is depicted as having a terrible drug habit, resulting from both his desire to ease the pain from all the traumatic events he has experienced and his constant urge to party.

Part 2: Post-Timeskip
After training for several years in Narnia, the alternate dimension, Hepburn emerges a changed man. At first he seems to have lost his sense of humour, but over the course of his adventures, flashes of his old childish self have resurfaced. The new Hepburn is all serious business and fucks shit up in an orderly manner. But as always, he tells you that you don't mess with the Hepburn.